One of those days

Today was one of those days that I can't believe we are all alive and relatively sane by the time bedtime rolled around.  At two o'clock this afternoon I was certain that by dinner time the kids would be in protective custody and I'd have taken up drinking.

The boys were sick all week, and I think the strain of being cooped up in the house together for days on end was the reason behind the total mayhem that was today.  I knew they were starting to feel better when they tried to kill each other first thing this morning.   The first sign of trouble was a small argument over who got to lay next to me in bed this morning at 7 a.m. the end result was the sound of Mitch's body thumping to the floor, followed closely by the sound of his indignant wail and Jack's snicker of delight.  Things escalated quickly into fist fights over who got the lion cup for their chocolate milk and then an all out death match when Jack's cereal was spilled on the floor and smashed into the carpet by Mitch on his tricycle.

More than once during the interminable day I heard myself screaming in a voice eerily like Brian Johnson that "if you boys don't stop hitting each other, I will spank you!" or my personal favorite: "Be kind or I will beat you!"  What??  I open my mouth to be the voice of reason, and this is what comes out?  Good thing I was talking to a 3 and 4 year old, otherwise I would've felt like an idiot.  As it was, they both looked at me like I had just grown another head and tried to sell them a timeshare in Kansas.  In fact, they were so unified in their aversion to me that they bonded together for safety, and for whole moments forgot to torture, maim and kill each other.

As I write this, I'm watching the little darlings attempt to make a liar out of me by sitting together like cherubs, heads together over a coloring book, sharing crayons and giggles.  They are beautiful in their love for each other, and my love for them is all encompassing.  Just as my heart begins to thaw a bit and I start to feel guilty for all the yelling and spanking that went into the making of today, Jack digs his elbow into Mitch's side and Mitch retaliates with a straight jab to Jack's eye and they both start screaming.  And I'm back to the cold hearted harridan.