Being Neighborly

How awful am I that I fervently hope someone drops a piano on the neighbor's chihuahua? It might seem a little extreme, but I really don't want to take any chances on the yippy little nightmare surviving.  It recently discovered that it can bark you see, and it does so from 10pm until 2am.  Not with any sort of enthusiasm, but more with a sense of obligation- like there's absolutely no enjoyment in it for him, he's doing this for our benefit alone.  The barking is so monotonous that you can tell time by it, and in fact I have.  Count with me: Bark (one mississippi), bark (two mississippi), bark (three mississippi), bark...  and when I get to sixty, the numbers on the bedside clock change.  Keep that up for the next four hours every day for six days and you will be willing to help me with that piano.  I had to take a nap with the kids today so that I can count barks again tonight.  Jordan of course has slept through the barking metronome every night and has no idea that I'm plotting against Satan's minion.  This way he can deny having any prior knowledge of my wrong doing, and can work on getting me released from prison.  I'm hoping that temporary insanity will get me off, or justifiable peticide.  Are chihuahuas really real, though?  I've always had problems with believing they are living things.  I look at them (but never in the eye) and they seem fake, or like little alien dolls in people's purses.  What kind of dog allows that?  And the way they shake uncontrollably like a ticking time bomb, freaks me out too.  The whole thing is making me crazy, I'm a twitchy wreck when I lay down to sleep at night.  And when he pauses for a few minutes, I get even more crazy because I KNOW he's going to start again, and the waiting is almost worse than the continuous barking.  I'm afraid to go to bed tonight.