Drunk Driving

One of the things I really dislike about being pregnant is the morning sickness.  I find that if I always have something in my stomach, things seems to go easier on me, and that's resulted in the weight gain of 7 pounds so far.  This is not a good thing.  How can I be gaining so rapidly while I'm throwing up so regularly?  It's another side effect that just doesn't seem fair.

Last night I waited entirely too long to eat because Jordan was working late and I wanted to eat with him.  Silly me.  This is survival of the chubbiest and I'm here to win.  So, when things started getting dicey in the digestion area and I knew I couldn't cook anything at this point, I loaded the kids in the car and we made a mad dash to Carl's Jr.  I knew I was in trouble however, after I rolled up the window while driving away with our food.  The smell was overwhelming and I didn't have much warning- just enough to pull over, unlatch my seat belt and open the car door before I lost all dignity on the side of the road.  Almost immediately I was awash in the strobing red and blue lights of one of Douglas' finest and my first thought (right behind "Oh my good hell") was that he most likely assumed I was drunk.  Just then I hear him ask in a disgusted and exasperated voice "everything alright, ma'am?" and I knew I was right.  Mitch chooses this moment to yell "Daddy!" (because his dad turns on the over head lights when he shows the boys his work truck), and I hear the cop heave a 'why me' sigh at the knowledge that not only have I been drunk driving, but I have small children in the car with me.  If I had had any extra sympathy in me right then I'd have felt sorry for him, but unfortunately for him everything I had was all over the pavement.  I was still occupied, and couldn't even raise my head to look at him so I waved as cheerfully and reassuringly as I possibly could in his general direction and between heaves I called out "Morning sickness!" heave- couch-cough "I'm alright!"  groan- cough groan "So embarrassing!"  heave-cough-sniffle "I'm sorry!".  I tried to gesture to the bags of food next to me and told him the smell sent me over the edge.  Meanwhile the kids are in the back seat laughing like they HAD been drinking.  I imagined that it was going to take all night to sort out the situation but when I finally raised my head to look at the poor man through bleary eyes, I saw that he was actually more uncomfortable than I was.  He asked me if I wanted him to call someone to come help me, and as I shook my head I was hit with another wave so I was unable to continue the conversation.  He quickly mumbled something reassuring (I think I also heard a "congratulations" but I can't be certain) and backed away to the safety of his cruiser.   That was it- no breathalizer, heel-toe walking or counting backwards tests.  I was incredibly relieved, but also a little let down.  I guess I really have the whole motherhood persona down pat, if against all evidence it's hard to believe I'm anything other than a woman having morning sickness on the side of the road at 7pm.   I'm not sure if I should be offended or not.